dont just buy the flowers at the funeral - try beforehand!

ok, recently we have had a string of celebrity deaths. i've actually just been getting my news from the internet because I can't take the tv broadcasts of the same old stuff over and over.

anyway, i think what really astounds me is that although we are in constant contact with our people - via cell phones, twitter, email, etc. we can now be contacted anywhere at any day or time and i wonder how many times we are actually telling the people we care for that we love and appreciate them in our lives.

at age 42 i have very few family members living. so its ALWAYS important for me to tell my kids that i love them and am proud of them. not just on the day my son received his writing award. but today when he met me at work as he was going for his run. my other son struggles in school but he really did make an effort to complete all his school work this year and cares about his grades more than previous years - for that - I am proud of him. all in all, my kids are good kids. they dont have girls in my house while i am at work, not drinking or smoking. i am proud that they have their own healthy interests and are positive young men. i dont hesitate to let them know they make me so happy and i want to continue this bond that we have as they get older.

i also try to remember my friends' b-days, send them emails to check up on them especially now. my various friends have bought houses and have small children and i know the economy has them a bit spent. so sending a friendly email just to tell them i am thinking about them - i hope helps their spirit and lets them know that they can also let me know if they need anything (maybe not $$, but a reference, advise, plan a visit, etc.)

but life is not easy. especially for african-american people. yes, even in this day and age. we work harder, live harder and are a very proud group of people. but we have got to stop showing all our love to people after they have passed on. we have got to step up and love each other in the present - while we are alive and kicking.

but where is the support? when are we going to support, guide, educate and congratulate, while we are alive and not just on holidays and at funerals....

so please try to reach out to your own people. invite a sister over for tea. volunteer to braid your cousins hair, call up your aunties. give your partner/mate a hug to show them you love them. tell your co-worker you like her shoes, accompany your kids on a school trip, volunteer at your church, youth league, etc.

also, try to remember that there are many people who distance their selves from communities of color. see it for what it is. many of these celebs that we constantly see in the media are pushing products; for us to buy. yes, us cash strapped consumers should remember to buy/see their crap. these celebs do not care about our people in the drug war, dangerous communities, limited career opportunities, lack of decent housing, etc.

recently at an awards program at my kids school - i heard a very moving story about LL Cool J. he was contacted about a teenage girl several years ago that was dying. he not only visited her here in upstate ny but sent a limo to pick her up from here and took her to NYC to have an evening out on the town.

i am a fan of his now (and not only because we are both from Queens)!

but this is what I am talking about. you are supposed to use your talent, fame $$ to help others.

i still find it incredible that Brad Pitt is the only major celeb still caring and more importantly rebuilding Louisiana....

so before we go and celebrate others (people we dont even know) try to celebrate yourself, your people and community.