dont just buy the flowers at the funeral - try beforehand!

ok, recently we have had a string of celebrity deaths. i've actually just been getting my news from the internet because I can't take the tv broadcasts of the same old stuff over and over.

anyway, i think what really astounds me is that although we are in constant contact with our people - via cell phones, twitter, email, etc. we can now be contacted anywhere at any day or time and i wonder how many times we are actually telling the people we care for that we love and appreciate them in our lives.

at age 42 i have very few family members living. so its ALWAYS important for me to tell my kids that i love them and am proud of them. not just on the day my son received his writing award. but today when he met me at work as he was going for his run. my other son struggles in school but he really did make an effort to complete all his school work this year and cares about his grades more than previous years - for that - I am proud of him. all in all, my kids are good kids. they dont have girls in my house while i am at work, not drinking or smoking. i am proud that they have their own healthy interests and are positive young men. i dont hesitate to let them know they make me so happy and i want to continue this bond that we have as they get older.

i also try to remember my friends' b-days, send them emails to check up on them especially now. my various friends have bought houses and have small children and i know the economy has them a bit spent. so sending a friendly email just to tell them i am thinking about them - i hope helps their spirit and lets them know that they can also let me know if they need anything (maybe not $$, but a reference, advise, plan a visit, etc.)

but life is not easy. especially for african-american people. yes, even in this day and age. we work harder, live harder and are a very proud group of people. but we have got to stop showing all our love to people after they have passed on. we have got to step up and love each other in the present - while we are alive and kicking.

but where is the support? when are we going to support, guide, educate and congratulate, while we are alive and not just on holidays and at funerals....

so please try to reach out to your own people. invite a sister over for tea. volunteer to braid your cousins hair, call up your aunties. give your partner/mate a hug to show them you love them. tell your co-worker you like her shoes, accompany your kids on a school trip, volunteer at your church, youth league, etc.

also, try to remember that there are many people who distance their selves from communities of color. see it for what it is. many of these celebs that we constantly see in the media are pushing products; for us to buy. yes, us cash strapped consumers should remember to buy/see their crap. these celebs do not care about our people in the drug war, dangerous communities, limited career opportunities, lack of decent housing, etc.

recently at an awards program at my kids school - i heard a very moving story about LL Cool J. he was contacted about a teenage girl several years ago that was dying. he not only visited her here in upstate ny but sent a limo to pick her up from here and took her to NYC to have an evening out on the town.

i am a fan of his now (and not only because we are both from Queens)!

but this is what I am talking about. you are supposed to use your talent, fame $$ to help others.

i still find it incredible that Brad Pitt is the only major celeb still caring and more importantly rebuilding Louisiana....

so before we go and celebrate others (people we dont even know) try to celebrate yourself, your people and community.

To The Moms

I had to write this to get it out of my system.

My sons are 16. They are beautiful, young men - inside and out. And yes, I take full credit for them. Because in this day and age, when I hear other parents complain about how materialistic their kids are or selfish or the sneaking around and lying... I am just so proud and glad that I don't have to go through that.

You have to understand... I was 25 when I had my guys. I had to return to work when they were 7 weeks old. I had never changed a diaper before I had them nor baby-sat any kids as a teen. So I literally had to get in there and be a mom! I had to grow up!

What I am getting to?

Recently, I've been around some new moms. Now, these new moms are of all ages -- I am not the one to just pick on young moms. And it soo upsets me to see these moms, not taking their mommy duties seriously.

So I thought I would put out some reminders, hints or suggestions... Feel free to send your own or even to forward this to someone you know.

1 - Take your kids with you.

Your kids can only learn by being exposed to many things. This also allows you to teach them how to behave in a library, supermarket, visiting neighbors or how to let loose in the park.

2 - Schedule EVERYTHING.

Having twins doesn't really allow you to do as you want. So in order to get things done I scheduled everything. This means meals, naps, bath time, etc. Tell everyone that they are not to call or visit at certain times. I would tell my friends and family that I couldn't chat on the phone until later in the evening. After my kids were bathed, read a book and tucked in - then I would enjoy a dessert and chat on the phone, or have late night pizza parties with grown folk and enjoy grown folks talk!

3 - Don't be afraid to ask for mommy time.

Tell your support folks - husband, partner, family, etc. that you need some time to get your hair done, go shopping or even go for a walk. You are important too. If you don't take care of yourself, you will be no good to your kids. You have to feel good to be an effective parent. Sometimes you will have so much to juggle you will feel tired, overwhelmed and frazzled - so see that you get some quality time for yourself.

4 - Pay your sitter appropriately.

Who ever is watching your kids.... take care of them. That means paying them well, tipping, and remembering birthdays. Remember that they are taking care of your most valuable possession. Treat the sitter well and don't take advantage.

5 - Discipline your kids.

What is the deal with the lack of discipline? Kids seems to address adults like they are grown. Kids are in the malls running around. If your kids aren't listening to you now at a young age... what will happen when they are teens?

6 - Teach lessons all the time.

Remind your kids that the world is a big and at times a scary place - tell them them must not wander or make risky decisions.

7 - Value their health.

Listen to the doctor, keep a good child's health book in the house. Do not ask others about what to do with your kid. Don't feed your kid buttery, salty and sugary foods. Give their bodies, brains and teeth a chance to grow. Keep them on a bland diet and keep the doctor informed.

8 - Get rid of the bottles!

My sons were off of baby bottles before 18 months. Why? Because I found some tough spill-proof sippy cups. There is no reason why a kid should be walking around all over the place with a bottle. Kids hold liquid in their mouths - this ruins their incoming teeth.

9 - Stop the spending.

If you have a great support of friends, family and neighbors like I was fortunate to have with my sons when they were younger - I was able to save a few dollars. I had a friend that always hooked up my kids with great clothes (so all I had to do was get the footwear), my family always bought them toys (so I didn't have to spend a fortune on toys).

10 - Embrace the time with the little ones.

It really goes quick. Don't spend the time worrying about what you don't have. I used to feel really bad that I couldn't get my kids in those fancy mommy and me classes. But now I look back and think why? All I had to do was turn off the tv a bit and just have our own play time.

11 - Keep them away from negative influences.

If someone doesn't have anything positive to offer you or your kids - then you need to keep your distance from them. This could mean anything. If you have a girlfriend that is too gossipy, a relative that just comes over to borrow money, a friend that smells of pot, watching negative images on tv, etc. Remember you are the main influence in your child's life. They think that you are great and if they see that you are ok with your cousins sitting around your place cussing - guess who will pick up these new cuss words?

12 - Stay on top of the schools.

Sorry to break this to you - but as much as you can't wait to get your kids into school - it can really bring on other issues. Teachers that can't teach, bullies, kids that are a negative influence, etc. Keep on top of homework, join the PTA, know your kids friends, volunteer and let the school's staff know that you care about the school and environment your kid is in daily.

13 - Limit the tv.

This is my one regret. My husband and I would get into arguments about the tv. I do think that I could have limited the Barney watching, etc.

I hope that this list will help someone. I just get so frustrated with co-workers and friends neglecting their duties and they should know better.

I recently chewed out my co-worker as she described how she has this great picture of her daughter at 8 months eating a jelly sandwich! Yeah, I lit into her - because her daughter currently at age 6 has had extensive dental work.

I was just at my birthday party this past weekend and so shocked at how much drinking was going on -- this was a party for a 1 year old!

So yeah, I had to vent! Also, if anyone is struggling with mommy duties and needs any kind of advice (scheduling, school, etc.) feel free to write. I've battled principles, strangers and employers - I've navigated my kids safely through day care and other activities. My kids have never had a cavity or major illness - so feel free to ask anything!

Take Care!

MLK - celebrate and be thankful!

I am glad to be celebrating this holiday.

I spent the time with my sons and had a great discussion about MLK. They were upset as we watched the footage of good people being hosed and having dogs attack them in the 60's.

My son told me he couldn't believe that teachers aren't teaching these things in school. When teachers teach civil rights they fail to mention the KKK, the hoses, the dogs, the continuing discrimination, the backs of buses, and the country just terrorizing black people. It seems as if the teachers want the kids to believe that it took a few marches to get things going.

I told my son that when I went to school all I learned about was good ol' George Washington and his cherry tree and Chris Columbus and his boats.

I then asked my kids if they knew the leading job for african-american women was up until the 70's.... they said office work. I said no - it was day's work or better known as maid. Yes, just ask your relatives how many of them or their mom's was a maid or mammy - it was ok for them to underpay us to clean their toilets and raise their kids - but then again, who would hire us?

Yes, although Lincoln, Kennedy and of course Martin made some strides toward seeing that we are all viewed as equal... we just weren't treated as such for many years.

This is why we must remember not only today but everyday - who we are, where we come from and what direction we need to be moving in.

We must tell our family, our kids, cousins, siblings, and so on that things are not nearly as bad as they were but we must always continue to work hard for what we want, stop shopping like maniacs for stuff we cannot afford, help each other out, support each other, be positive and keep our heads up.

Although it seems as if the struggle is over - it isn't. Many of our people live in sub-standard housing, have far less income than other races, are in debt more than other races, are less educated and have limited skills.

This is why as parents we must buy our kids books, puzzles, and keep the computer service on. Not blind our kids with nonsense like drugs, fighting, BET and exposing them to bad influences.

School does teach but we must also step up and teach, lead and discipline our babies.

Although I have been in Obama's camp since the very beginning. I am no longer feeling the excitement.

I think I just see too many people thinking that - ok, he is in the White House and he will save us. Or, we did it and then go back to their old routine.

No. He will not be able to save us from the bad cops, the discriminating employers or the neighborhoods that don't want us to move into them.

But what we can do is like Obama said - get involved. Coach a little league, teach a class, volunteer, take a second job, cut back on your spending, show your little ones how to save, give blood, visit your relatives more, etc.

Stop waiting for someone to hand you a piece of cheese! Be active and get your own! Be a part of the world, learn it, study it and grow. Take care of you and yours and if you don't like something complain - loud and in writing!

Like MLK did - let the world know about it!

Product Review - African Pride Herbal Healing S & C

I think it was about 1998 to 2000 when my relaxed hair was in its really healthy and growing stage. One of my key products was African Pride's no lye relaxer. At the time, I didn't have a stylist and I had to rely on myself to take care of my hair. So for some reason, I was struck by the design on the box and made the switch from my usual Cream of Nature relaxer. I became a big fan of their relaxer. I also believed that I used African Pride's grease too. Yes, I too was a big fan of hair grease. I did feel that their products were good quality and helped keep my hair looking, feeling good and growing. This was actually one of the few times in my life, where I was always asked who does my hair and what products do i use.

So when I was fortunate to have won a contest for African Pride's latest products I was very pleased.

I received their relaxer, shampoo and conditioner.

This review is about the shampoo and conditioner.

I've been using this shampoo weekly since November. Although it has the herbal specs in it - i do not feel it was a great shampoo. My hair felt dry after washing. I was expecting better results.

I feel the same about the conditioner. It is a leave in and I was expecting it to leave my hair moisturized. It did but just a bit. This conditioner has bits of herbal specs in it, too.

Both products have a pleasing light scent, light color and a listing of many herbs.

It took me awhile to get these reviews up because i just wanted to like them. I wanted to say that these were good products and I would love to buy them - but I cant.

The shampoo has been passed onto my sons. I asked their opinion and they said it was like any other shampoo.

Although these products retail for about $4-5 each, I would just get suave or vo5 for less than $2....

woo-hoo 2009 is almost upon us!!

Wow! 2008 is over!

With such a surprising great ending to the long election, I think that even with the recession (yeah, its a recession - time to face facts) we should all look toward the new year with hope.

This year I was kinda feeling old. I am in my early forties and although I feel good most days - my body seems to be sending me other signals. I get stiff, my skin stays dry, my hair is like straw and I can go on and on.

But instead of continuing to focus on the bad, I did what I usually tell my sons to do when they have questions about things (because my brain isn't what it used to be)- i say check online.

So here I go checking essence mag and somehow I stumbled upon some really great blogs discussing hair, health, dieting and all sorts of topics.

Now, I am informed and motivated.

What I will be continuing to do into the new year:

Continue with my doctor's appointments,
Continue to tackle my hair,
Move my ass off the couch a bit more,
Spend more time with my family,
Go take a few more school courses,
Take it easy on the junk food,
Travel
Get back to saving $$

Also, I'm not going to despair. If I fall off the wagon, I will get back on.

I realize too that we all have crap to go through in life and if all I'm worrying about is being in my forties and dealing with what goes along with it -- then I need to really get over myself.

Anyway, lets all stay healthy, wealthy and wise in the New Year. Also, lets continue to support our new Prez!

Peace and Blessings!!

Time for Jello

Actually I think making stuff like Jello sucks. But its part of the 'mommy duties' that Moms are supposed to do.

There is a part of me that is such the rebel; hating my 'mommy duties'. Those duties are baking, cooking and planning meals, keeping the house clean, PTA meetings, dealing with annoying parents of your kids' friends, etc.

Now please don't get me wrong. I think my kids would say that they have had a fun childhood. Not only did I do all my 'mommy duties'; I also did them with a smile. Why? Because my guys are worth it. You cant beat that satisfied smile or hug they give you.

My guys are 16; so the 'mommy duties' have lessened. They no longer get excited when they see the boxes of Jello on the counter.

Just to fill in the blanks - I have 16 year old twin sons.

Anyway, the Jello is done and is chilling.

Time to re-heat dinner (ugh). Is it a crime to order pizza on Sunday night? Just kidding........