To The Moms

I had to write this to get it out of my system.

My sons are 16. They are beautiful, young men - inside and out. And yes, I take full credit for them. Because in this day and age, when I hear other parents complain about how materialistic their kids are or selfish or the sneaking around and lying... I am just so proud and glad that I don't have to go through that.

You have to understand... I was 25 when I had my guys. I had to return to work when they were 7 weeks old. I had never changed a diaper before I had them nor baby-sat any kids as a teen. So I literally had to get in there and be a mom! I had to grow up!

What I am getting to?

Recently, I've been around some new moms. Now, these new moms are of all ages -- I am not the one to just pick on young moms. And it soo upsets me to see these moms, not taking their mommy duties seriously.

So I thought I would put out some reminders, hints or suggestions... Feel free to send your own or even to forward this to someone you know.

1 - Take your kids with you.

Your kids can only learn by being exposed to many things. This also allows you to teach them how to behave in a library, supermarket, visiting neighbors or how to let loose in the park.

2 - Schedule EVERYTHING.

Having twins doesn't really allow you to do as you want. So in order to get things done I scheduled everything. This means meals, naps, bath time, etc. Tell everyone that they are not to call or visit at certain times. I would tell my friends and family that I couldn't chat on the phone until later in the evening. After my kids were bathed, read a book and tucked in - then I would enjoy a dessert and chat on the phone, or have late night pizza parties with grown folk and enjoy grown folks talk!

3 - Don't be afraid to ask for mommy time.

Tell your support folks - husband, partner, family, etc. that you need some time to get your hair done, go shopping or even go for a walk. You are important too. If you don't take care of yourself, you will be no good to your kids. You have to feel good to be an effective parent. Sometimes you will have so much to juggle you will feel tired, overwhelmed and frazzled - so see that you get some quality time for yourself.

4 - Pay your sitter appropriately.

Who ever is watching your kids.... take care of them. That means paying them well, tipping, and remembering birthdays. Remember that they are taking care of your most valuable possession. Treat the sitter well and don't take advantage.

5 - Discipline your kids.

What is the deal with the lack of discipline? Kids seems to address adults like they are grown. Kids are in the malls running around. If your kids aren't listening to you now at a young age... what will happen when they are teens?

6 - Teach lessons all the time.

Remind your kids that the world is a big and at times a scary place - tell them them must not wander or make risky decisions.

7 - Value their health.

Listen to the doctor, keep a good child's health book in the house. Do not ask others about what to do with your kid. Don't feed your kid buttery, salty and sugary foods. Give their bodies, brains and teeth a chance to grow. Keep them on a bland diet and keep the doctor informed.

8 - Get rid of the bottles!

My sons were off of baby bottles before 18 months. Why? Because I found some tough spill-proof sippy cups. There is no reason why a kid should be walking around all over the place with a bottle. Kids hold liquid in their mouths - this ruins their incoming teeth.

9 - Stop the spending.

If you have a great support of friends, family and neighbors like I was fortunate to have with my sons when they were younger - I was able to save a few dollars. I had a friend that always hooked up my kids with great clothes (so all I had to do was get the footwear), my family always bought them toys (so I didn't have to spend a fortune on toys).

10 - Embrace the time with the little ones.

It really goes quick. Don't spend the time worrying about what you don't have. I used to feel really bad that I couldn't get my kids in those fancy mommy and me classes. But now I look back and think why? All I had to do was turn off the tv a bit and just have our own play time.

11 - Keep them away from negative influences.

If someone doesn't have anything positive to offer you or your kids - then you need to keep your distance from them. This could mean anything. If you have a girlfriend that is too gossipy, a relative that just comes over to borrow money, a friend that smells of pot, watching negative images on tv, etc. Remember you are the main influence in your child's life. They think that you are great and if they see that you are ok with your cousins sitting around your place cussing - guess who will pick up these new cuss words?

12 - Stay on top of the schools.

Sorry to break this to you - but as much as you can't wait to get your kids into school - it can really bring on other issues. Teachers that can't teach, bullies, kids that are a negative influence, etc. Keep on top of homework, join the PTA, know your kids friends, volunteer and let the school's staff know that you care about the school and environment your kid is in daily.

13 - Limit the tv.

This is my one regret. My husband and I would get into arguments about the tv. I do think that I could have limited the Barney watching, etc.

I hope that this list will help someone. I just get so frustrated with co-workers and friends neglecting their duties and they should know better.

I recently chewed out my co-worker as she described how she has this great picture of her daughter at 8 months eating a jelly sandwich! Yeah, I lit into her - because her daughter currently at age 6 has had extensive dental work.

I was just at my birthday party this past weekend and so shocked at how much drinking was going on -- this was a party for a 1 year old!

So yeah, I had to vent! Also, if anyone is struggling with mommy duties and needs any kind of advice (scheduling, school, etc.) feel free to write. I've battled principles, strangers and employers - I've navigated my kids safely through day care and other activities. My kids have never had a cavity or major illness - so feel free to ask anything!

Take Care!