Hair Update - Looking back a year ago

I started my blog last year with the idea of sharing my thoughts and ideas. I had hoped to not only write about my hair but to also bring up topics like politics, movies, etc.

But since I took on a new job as of early this year, I realized that I cannot discuss a lot of topics I would like. I am way too jaded, biased and leery to write about government and politics (at this time). As far as movies, I watch plenty and don't have the time to get my thoughts down.

So since I became really intrigued about my incoming natural hair, I thought I would focus on my hair and experience with transitioning. This was a huge step for me. I had my first relaxer at age 19, my last relaxer was at age 41. So I literally had to reacquaint myself to doing my own hair.

You see, even though I dont have pics up and post regularly, I am really trying to share my true honest opinion of what I am experiencing with my hair. If I get a product from a p.r. firm, I post that. If I make a purchase, I post that also.

I also do not post too often because I try to give products a chance to work. I don't want to share bad information. If I shampoo one evening and I didn't care for the shampoo, I can't share that right away. I may have been too tired to have really formed a decent opinion. So I really try to use a product a few times to get the best results and then I share.

I just looked at my earlier posts of my transitioning and saw how far I have come. Along with fighting off my urge to relax my hair, I did know to increase the conditioners but I still would sit under the dryer.

I now do things I never thought I would, like wash and go's. Although I loved the results of other sisters that would do this, I NEVER thought I would run out the door with drippy hair. I NEVER thought I would purchase something as pricey as KCCC, much less love it (I still like it but have found other products that get me satisfying results). I also NEVER thought I would find drugstore products that I LOVE.

Anyway, I realize that I am having a ball playing with my hair. It is not the length I would like it to be (past my shoulder would be desired). But I am glad that after a year, I am in the right direction. I am not afraid to try different products. Most importantly I am not a slave to my hair. I am letting it do its thing while I work on what I need to do (increase exercise, drink more water, vitamins, correct my diet).

What is up with my hair now? After having a lot of straight hair come out last month, I decided to go back to my wash and go's. I do it daily. I comb though my conditioner, use a shine spray and that's it. On the weekends, I shampoo, deep condition with a cap for about 10-30 minutes, rinse, apply my leave in conditioner and that's it. I no longer use a towel on my hair (except when coloring or when I was at the salon). I have also decided that I will be laying off of the salons. I don't mind spending $$ on products when I have cut back on spending $$ going to the salon.

I have a full and thick hairline, what a difference from my relaxed hair. My hair in the back is thick and growing. I still have straight ends from my last perm. But it all blends in after I style it. I've learned that the most growth I've had was when I stopped using heat. I use products that feel good and give me results. I don't pour over ingredients (not sure how wise that is). I think that most of the commercial products are much superior to the products of back in the day. I also think that depending on your hair and what you want to do, its really an individual choice. My mom used Prell, conditioner, hair grease and sponge rollers on me when growing up. Besides the conditioner, none of these items are recommended for healthy hair even though my hair was really healthy, thick, swinging and past my shoulders.

So whoever is reading this, enjoy, continue to stop by, contribute and share. I look forward to it. Also, do what works for you and don't stress. It is just hair. And to quote Chris Rock, "its whats inside your head that is important". And yes, I saw Good Hair and will write about it soon.

Hair Update - July 2009

Well, I've been on a break. For some reason, I haven't been in the mood to write. I think because I had to refocus a bit.

I was thinking back to how frustrated I was last year at this time. My hair was relaxed at the time and breaking off. I kept thinking how many more haircuts and trims was I going to get to try to justify all the hair damage?

Well anyway, here I am now and.... I was again disappointed with my hair. I was thinking that I haven't made any progress. But I was wrong....

I bought a large basket for all my hair products. And I realized that my progress - although I originally thought was slow (length-wise).... was really coming along.

I had to break away from my bad hair habits. I also had to stop thinking that my hair would magically grow back and look like it did when I was a young girl (who was active, ate right and had a mom that took care of her hair).

My hair is growing slowly and its thicker and healthier. My husband has even started to call me 'kinky-curly' and assists me when I am applying my hair gels.

And speaking of gel, my favorite kinky-curly custard which love has run out. And I'm too cheap to buy more! I used up the jar in 2 months! I used to just use a bit of it but then I really got into styling my hair with it and would use it daily and get heavy handed with it.

I love the results and that it lasts all day... but I have moved onto using other drugstore hair gels. I will order some more or just look for it when I get to NYC.

I've also started using conditioner on a daily basis and I love it. I wish I had started this from the beginning. I'm really loving my soft, wavy, kinky, curly hair. As soon as my kitchen (back nape hair) grows in more, I will definitely big chop for an even defined look. I am tired of my relaxed ends trying to blend in with my natural hair.

Anyway, I see that I am still learning and growing with my hair. I am sticking with certain staple products that work for me. I still get excited going down the hair care aisle but I am sticking to a budget and waiting to rid my basket of some of its products first.

So please stick with me -- I have products that were sent to me that I will be giving away on here and still look forward to hearing from others about their hair and other topics - the good, bad and ugly!

Peace

dont just buy the flowers at the funeral - try beforehand!

ok, recently we have had a string of celebrity deaths. i've actually just been getting my news from the internet because I can't take the tv broadcasts of the same old stuff over and over.

anyway, i think what really astounds me is that although we are in constant contact with our people - via cell phones, twitter, email, etc. we can now be contacted anywhere at any day or time and i wonder how many times we are actually telling the people we care for that we love and appreciate them in our lives.

at age 42 i have very few family members living. so its ALWAYS important for me to tell my kids that i love them and am proud of them. not just on the day my son received his writing award. but today when he met me at work as he was going for his run. my other son struggles in school but he really did make an effort to complete all his school work this year and cares about his grades more than previous years - for that - I am proud of him. all in all, my kids are good kids. they dont have girls in my house while i am at work, not drinking or smoking. i am proud that they have their own healthy interests and are positive young men. i dont hesitate to let them know they make me so happy and i want to continue this bond that we have as they get older.

i also try to remember my friends' b-days, send them emails to check up on them especially now. my various friends have bought houses and have small children and i know the economy has them a bit spent. so sending a friendly email just to tell them i am thinking about them - i hope helps their spirit and lets them know that they can also let me know if they need anything (maybe not $$, but a reference, advise, plan a visit, etc.)

but life is not easy. especially for african-american people. yes, even in this day and age. we work harder, live harder and are a very proud group of people. but we have got to stop showing all our love to people after they have passed on. we have got to step up and love each other in the present - while we are alive and kicking.

but where is the support? when are we going to support, guide, educate and congratulate, while we are alive and not just on holidays and at funerals....

so please try to reach out to your own people. invite a sister over for tea. volunteer to braid your cousins hair, call up your aunties. give your partner/mate a hug to show them you love them. tell your co-worker you like her shoes, accompany your kids on a school trip, volunteer at your church, youth league, etc.

also, try to remember that there are many people who distance their selves from communities of color. see it for what it is. many of these celebs that we constantly see in the media are pushing products; for us to buy. yes, us cash strapped consumers should remember to buy/see their crap. these celebs do not care about our people in the drug war, dangerous communities, limited career opportunities, lack of decent housing, etc.

recently at an awards program at my kids school - i heard a very moving story about LL Cool J. he was contacted about a teenage girl several years ago that was dying. he not only visited her here in upstate ny but sent a limo to pick her up from here and took her to NYC to have an evening out on the town.

i am a fan of his now (and not only because we are both from Queens)!

but this is what I am talking about. you are supposed to use your talent, fame $$ to help others.

i still find it incredible that Brad Pitt is the only major celeb still caring and more importantly rebuilding Louisiana....

so before we go and celebrate others (people we dont even know) try to celebrate yourself, your people and community.

To The Moms

I had to write this to get it out of my system.

My sons are 16. They are beautiful, young men - inside and out. And yes, I take full credit for them. Because in this day and age, when I hear other parents complain about how materialistic their kids are or selfish or the sneaking around and lying... I am just so proud and glad that I don't have to go through that.

You have to understand... I was 25 when I had my guys. I had to return to work when they were 7 weeks old. I had never changed a diaper before I had them nor baby-sat any kids as a teen. So I literally had to get in there and be a mom! I had to grow up!

What I am getting to?

Recently, I've been around some new moms. Now, these new moms are of all ages -- I am not the one to just pick on young moms. And it soo upsets me to see these moms, not taking their mommy duties seriously.

So I thought I would put out some reminders, hints or suggestions... Feel free to send your own or even to forward this to someone you know.

1 - Take your kids with you.

Your kids can only learn by being exposed to many things. This also allows you to teach them how to behave in a library, supermarket, visiting neighbors or how to let loose in the park.

2 - Schedule EVERYTHING.

Having twins doesn't really allow you to do as you want. So in order to get things done I scheduled everything. This means meals, naps, bath time, etc. Tell everyone that they are not to call or visit at certain times. I would tell my friends and family that I couldn't chat on the phone until later in the evening. After my kids were bathed, read a book and tucked in - then I would enjoy a dessert and chat on the phone, or have late night pizza parties with grown folk and enjoy grown folks talk!

3 - Don't be afraid to ask for mommy time.

Tell your support folks - husband, partner, family, etc. that you need some time to get your hair done, go shopping or even go for a walk. You are important too. If you don't take care of yourself, you will be no good to your kids. You have to feel good to be an effective parent. Sometimes you will have so much to juggle you will feel tired, overwhelmed and frazzled - so see that you get some quality time for yourself.

4 - Pay your sitter appropriately.

Who ever is watching your kids.... take care of them. That means paying them well, tipping, and remembering birthdays. Remember that they are taking care of your most valuable possession. Treat the sitter well and don't take advantage.

5 - Discipline your kids.

What is the deal with the lack of discipline? Kids seems to address adults like they are grown. Kids are in the malls running around. If your kids aren't listening to you now at a young age... what will happen when they are teens?

6 - Teach lessons all the time.

Remind your kids that the world is a big and at times a scary place - tell them them must not wander or make risky decisions.

7 - Value their health.

Listen to the doctor, keep a good child's health book in the house. Do not ask others about what to do with your kid. Don't feed your kid buttery, salty and sugary foods. Give their bodies, brains and teeth a chance to grow. Keep them on a bland diet and keep the doctor informed.

8 - Get rid of the bottles!

My sons were off of baby bottles before 18 months. Why? Because I found some tough spill-proof sippy cups. There is no reason why a kid should be walking around all over the place with a bottle. Kids hold liquid in their mouths - this ruins their incoming teeth.

9 - Stop the spending.

If you have a great support of friends, family and neighbors like I was fortunate to have with my sons when they were younger - I was able to save a few dollars. I had a friend that always hooked up my kids with great clothes (so all I had to do was get the footwear), my family always bought them toys (so I didn't have to spend a fortune on toys).

10 - Embrace the time with the little ones.

It really goes quick. Don't spend the time worrying about what you don't have. I used to feel really bad that I couldn't get my kids in those fancy mommy and me classes. But now I look back and think why? All I had to do was turn off the tv a bit and just have our own play time.

11 - Keep them away from negative influences.

If someone doesn't have anything positive to offer you or your kids - then you need to keep your distance from them. This could mean anything. If you have a girlfriend that is too gossipy, a relative that just comes over to borrow money, a friend that smells of pot, watching negative images on tv, etc. Remember you are the main influence in your child's life. They think that you are great and if they see that you are ok with your cousins sitting around your place cussing - guess who will pick up these new cuss words?

12 - Stay on top of the schools.

Sorry to break this to you - but as much as you can't wait to get your kids into school - it can really bring on other issues. Teachers that can't teach, bullies, kids that are a negative influence, etc. Keep on top of homework, join the PTA, know your kids friends, volunteer and let the school's staff know that you care about the school and environment your kid is in daily.

13 - Limit the tv.

This is my one regret. My husband and I would get into arguments about the tv. I do think that I could have limited the Barney watching, etc.

I hope that this list will help someone. I just get so frustrated with co-workers and friends neglecting their duties and they should know better.

I recently chewed out my co-worker as she described how she has this great picture of her daughter at 8 months eating a jelly sandwich! Yeah, I lit into her - because her daughter currently at age 6 has had extensive dental work.

I was just at my birthday party this past weekend and so shocked at how much drinking was going on -- this was a party for a 1 year old!

So yeah, I had to vent! Also, if anyone is struggling with mommy duties and needs any kind of advice (scheduling, school, etc.) feel free to write. I've battled principles, strangers and employers - I've navigated my kids safely through day care and other activities. My kids have never had a cavity or major illness - so feel free to ask anything!

Take Care!

the photo

I will not be posting the recent photo that was released of Rihanna. If you need to check it out go to some other site or blog.

I was really upset upon seeing it on tv this morning. And what struck me about this photo was the fact that here was a bruised, saddened and frightened women that didn't deserve this. Although I did expect worse - this was bad. You can tell someone totally connected with her face many times. This was intentional. And I dont want to hear about drinking, drugs or any other lame excuse. She was beatdown!

What gives another person the right to strike out at another? Dude just thought it was ok to brutalize her and then leave her on the sidewalk? A rational, kinder, calmer gentlemen would have just taken her home. Let her be mad for whatever reason - just don't feel that its ok to BEAT HER DOWN!

See what has happened in society is we just accept that its ok for... (ok, I'm gonna go there...) for MEN to just abuse, curse, disappear and abandon their women. We have to teach our young men to be respectful of the women in their lives. Its not ok to hit, yell, berate, and use women.

A message to the men - if you are tired of the ol' ball and chain, girlfriend, wife, etc. - then step!! Tell your woman you are tired of whatever, go find a hobby or counselor to relieve your anger issues and leave BEFORE you have these knock-down drag out fights! Don't do the sneaking around behind her back, lying to her, getting other chicks pregnant, etc.

I am so tired of hearing people say - if you are a victim - you need to leave. Well, first off, it ain't that easy. If it was easy many, many women would have picked up and left. Think of how many times we have heard of women that did leave, that did go to court and still they were stalked and killed. Has anyone paid attention to the stats on women that are killed while pregnant? The numbers are high. This abusive situation is much more serious than a few bruises. Its deep, violent, psychologically damaging and deadly.

I want for people that know this is going on everyday around them (whether it is family, neighbors, co-workers, etc.)and we need to get involved.

If you hear it or see it -- just discreetly call the cops! Let's us step up our game in society. Let's write to our politicians and see that we have more serious jail time for batterers. Most of all lets save some lives!

I don't want to hear of the battered women syndrome! If you are living with a maniac -- wouldn't you be afraid to seek help?! So if you know of someone that is living in this fear - don't just tell them to call a hotline - tell them to make a plan, help them make a plan and help them to SAFELY get out!

See, everyone NOW wants a piece of Chris Brown. But where was everyone beforehand! You cannot tell me this was the first time he put his hands on her. Rihanna needs to check the people that she surrounds herself with.

As for him - my only advice is to get counseling and go join the military. Why the military? Because its obvious dude like to throw down and the military needs some guys like that. That fighting energy is what the country needs right now and his career is dead! He couldn't sing/dance on your local street corner for change!

But then again - everyone still loves R. Kelly!

All in all, I hope Rihanna can get past this in one piece! I hope we as a society can stop passing judgment about others and do what it takes to get involved and care about other peoples struggles!

Not cry and attend funerals after!

hair decision

I had my last relaxer the first week of October. So for the past few months, I've been reading everyone's hair blogs on how to care for hair - whether curly, natural, transitioning using heat or not using heat or just stretching their relaxers.

At one point I was ready to big chop then the next moment I was about to go back to relaxing. I didn't know if I was transitioning, stretching or what I was doing. This also goes back to the point that I cannot style my own hair. Never have! I grew up with pigtails, pony tails, and roller sets. So trying to figure out how to style my hair has a lot to do with my decision.

As an adult I relied on salons to care for my hair. When I couldn't go to the salon or a stylist moved - I was stuck!

Even now, I scour all the sites for styles and I'm still stuck, but I am no longer intimidated by my hair. I got rid of the fear and I get in the bathroom shampoo, condition, blow dry, sit under the dryer, etc.

I've reflected on how my mom cared for my hair growing up - when my hair was the healthiest, strongest, thicker and longer. And while her regimen is considered taboo these days (hot comb, plenty of grease) - it worked!

So, the decision I've come to... is that I will remain natural. I will not relax anymore. I will not big chop. I will work with my hair as much as I can. I will visit the new Dominican salon that I found right in my own neighborhood right in upstate NY. So I don't feel that I have to make a trip to Rosalina's in Harlem.

Now... have I had major growth or any hair breakthroughs? No. My kitchen (hair at the nape) is still not looking the way I want it which limits my styling choices. But I do have less breakage. My hair is still very dry.

My next step is to continue moisturizing my hair, continue to try new products as needed and make the occasional salon visit.

So far in my hair journey I've found a few products and regimens that have helped a bit.

* moisturizing my scalp
* deep conditioning every time I wash at home or at the salon
* occasional temporary color (i dont mind my grey but sometimes its a bit much)
* silk scarf and satin pillow
* taking biotin daily
* simple styles (i know... boring, but so am I)
* only experiment with hair on wash day
* wash hair every two weeks (I started this in February, before I washed weekly)
* more water, veggies and fruit and exercise daily
* not to measure growth or worry about my hair
* no more bad hair dressers (I will not tolerate any salon that is ghetto, makes me wait to long, is too pricey or the stylist is rude)

I was getting to the point where I was obsessing about my hair, products and growth. This was unhealthy. I reviewed many other hair blogs and realized that with care, gentleness, the right products and most importantly... time - which could be years - that hair will be healthy and grow. So for me to think that in a couple of months I could grow my hair... not happening (I was fooling myself). Now am I planting the seeds for future stronger hair - I hope so!

I have a few more product reviews and other ideas - so keep checking and feel free to comment on any of my postings. I welcome all ideas, thoughts, products and your experiences!

Love and Valentines - lets not confuse them!

Valentine's Day is fun. I think its a day that you can actually reach out to your family and friends just to say 'thanks', i love you, 'i was thinking of you'.

I don't think its a day where you HAVE to go out and get diamonds, huge bouquets of flowers, etc. I think it can be as simple as a hug to your children, a sexy message to your partner, a funny card - that you made!

And not to be mean - but for all of you ladies that do not get anything - don't do that 'ordering your own flowers' nonsense. That is just pathetic and desperate. Just go to the store and buy yourself something nice, go out with friends, reach out to your own family, or give yourself a fun day (light candles, get your hair done, catch some flicks, relax, etc). Don't take this one day so seriously!

Where does the love fit in? You should love and appreciate your people all year round! Such as, surprising your mate with a weekend getaway, take your kids out for pizza, or any other random act of love. If you just wait for valentine's day to do these things then it seems cheesy and planned.

So anyway - enjoy your Valentine's Day!

Movie Review - He's Just Not That Into You

Ok, so I get the chance to grab my homie and catch a chick flick, He's Just Not That Into You.

Now, I have to admit entering the movie theater at my age (41) was a bit intimidating. Does everyone have to be under 30 to catch a chick flick? So I was beginning to think I should have just went to see The Dark Knight in IMAX (but I would hate to have to come home and have hubby tell me what dork I was for seeing it again). (Although I want to see it again badly.....)

But I like chick flicks because it creates dialogue among women. On an average day, I work, take care of house, spend time with hubby and sons so I dont get much 'girly-time'. Meaning that I can't expect to talk to my family about hair, lotions, gaining weight, etc. And even though I cant really relate to dating issues - I just like to hear what other women are going through. Its just like seeing someone with a great haircut, I may not want that style for myself, but I can appreciate it and like it.

So I welcome the time with my homie, A. She is a mom of 2 beautiful daughters. So she also needed a break from watching just Disney crap and High School Musical. Sorry Disney, your stuff is legendary but as moms, we can kinda OD on your products after a bit.

This movie is a 4 out of 5 stars. It was enjoyable, interesting and funny. It has a ton of celebs like Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson, and a ton more that you would recognize from other movies and shows like Entourage and Dawsons's Creek.

This flick is about dating and finding the right mate for you. The main characters either are conflicted about their current relationship or currently looking to enter a relationship.

What was a telling part about the movie was the beginning when a girl gets beat up by a boy in the sand box and how her mother consoles her with the whole 'he likes you, that's why he beat you up'. And how men and women can be twisted about certain signals we get from others (are they interested/they arent interested) -- ahh, confusing. Anyway, its a great movie! Go grab your friends - male and female and go check it out! Yes, I do think a guy would enjoy this too. Its not heavily sex and city like -- that is a pure gal thing!

Oh, I have to add this! As an african-american woman, I loved the way there were people of color all over this movie. None were in a leading role, but many were in party scenes, an open house, dining out, etc. I like this because it represents the country that we live in -- a multi-cultural one!


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508

well, i'm off the ledge.....

yes, I've decided to come off the ledge and stop feeling sorry for myself.

after my last posting and numerous hair evaluations - i've held off on doing anything drastic such as grabbing the relaxer kit.

i had to refocus my thinking.

i had to realize that i want healthy hair. whether long or short. that is the goal.

i then checked a number of other hair blogs and realized that the sistas who have went from perm to natural... it took a while for them to get health and length. almost 2 years. the same with the stretchers - they didnt get the growth overnight.

so far i have 3 months in, so i kind of need to grow up and realize that the damage i did (the neglect more than anything) i will have to deal with and it will take time for the vitamins, water, rest, new hair regimen, diet, silk scarves, satin pillows, and everything else I've been doing to start to kick in!

any comments or ideas - hit me up...

woo-hoo 2009 is almost upon us!!

Wow! 2008 is over!

With such a surprising great ending to the long election, I think that even with the recession (yeah, its a recession - time to face facts) we should all look toward the new year with hope.

This year I was kinda feeling old. I am in my early forties and although I feel good most days - my body seems to be sending me other signals. I get stiff, my skin stays dry, my hair is like straw and I can go on and on.

But instead of continuing to focus on the bad, I did what I usually tell my sons to do when they have questions about things (because my brain isn't what it used to be)- i say check online.

So here I go checking essence mag and somehow I stumbled upon some really great blogs discussing hair, health, dieting and all sorts of topics.

Now, I am informed and motivated.

What I will be continuing to do into the new year:

Continue with my doctor's appointments,
Continue to tackle my hair,
Move my ass off the couch a bit more,
Spend more time with my family,
Go take a few more school courses,
Take it easy on the junk food,
Travel
Get back to saving $$

Also, I'm not going to despair. If I fall off the wagon, I will get back on.

I realize too that we all have crap to go through in life and if all I'm worrying about is being in my forties and dealing with what goes along with it -- then I need to really get over myself.

Anyway, lets all stay healthy, wealthy and wise in the New Year. Also, lets continue to support our new Prez!

Peace and Blessings!!

My First Blog (who-hoo)!!

I'm not a great writer. But recently I've been feeling like I want to get out my thoughts on various topics.

If you are reading this, then please feel free to jump in and share your thoughts on anything. I welcome all thoughts, ideas and comments.

About myself - well, all I'll share for now is that I'm a very open-minded person. I wish the world would share my feelings for being respectful, kind, and being a positive influence in the world.

Recently with the presidential campaigns, I've encountered many bigoted comments about Obama. Hard to believe that in the year 2008, we still have people that wouldn't consider voting for this man - just because of the color of his skin.

Anyways, I will try to post frequently, I hope you will stop by and share too.

'til next time...